When we asked people what they would do differently if they were God, one answer was: I would make it okay to be gay. Another was: I would have less arbitrary rules.
Many people today think that God is unnecessarily strict about sex: when one should or shouldn’t have sex, and with who you should and shouldn’t have sex with.
Many people also think that the Bible has unnecessarily arbitrary rules that are old-fashioned, unrealistic and even oppressive, especially concerning sexual conduct.
We should, they argue, free ourselves from the Bible’s out-of-touch ethics and embrace new guidelines for a new age.
To make matters worse, often the church has been very hypocritical in the area of sex. The church is supposed to care for people, yet thousands of lives have been severely harmed by abuse which many times happens in churches.
Nevertheless, what I hope to show in this article is that God’s guidelines are for our good.
1. God created humans as male and female
Imagine going to a factory that builds submarines for the US military. You get handed a massive blueprint of the engineering drawings. Then you see the workers and technicians putting the various parts together in an amazing way. Propellers, sonars, radars, oxygen tanks, rudders, computer systems etc. Every part of the submarines’ design is intentional, important and calculated. Nothing is accidental, haphazard or guesswork.
The Bible says in its very first chapter that this is what God did with the world and human beings.
“God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:27)
At the end of the creation account God declared that it was very good. The term very good means fit for propose and well-designed – including the fact that God created human beings as males and females.
That is, there are only two types of human beings – not one type, not five types: male human beings and female human beings. Male and female are not social constructs or artificial categories, but part of God’s blueprint.
Male and female are designed to have sexual union and pro-create.
Thinking back to the sub illustration: the propeller can’t decide it doesn’t want to be a propeller: that would be bad for the submarine and it wouldn’t function optimally.
Similarly, to misunderstand, blur or reject the blueprint for humanity put us at odds with our creator and ourselves. God designed males and females to be complimentary different.
2. God intends sexual intimacy in marriage
Also is the first chapter of the Bible, God said to the male and female human: “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth…” (Genesis 1:28)
The male human and female human are instructed to be fruitful and multiply. For that to happen a male human needs to have sexual union with a female human. Biology 101.
Thus, sexual union is God’s idea. God created sex. Sex is a good part of God creation; not a bad thing. Our sex drive is given by God.
The result of sex, children, are also not a bad thing, they are a good thing, indeed a gift from God.
In the second chapter of the Bible, we find the God’s blueprint for sexual intimacy: marriage.
God creates Eve out of Adam’s side or rib. She is bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh (Genesis 2:23). As they join together in marriage, so they become one flesh again (Genesis 2:24).
Adam and Eve are a picture of at first humans and the first marriage. Indeed, marriage is the normative relationship status for adult humans. But one doesn’t have to get married: Jesus was never married and was the perfect human. Some people may even choose to be single to serve Jesus better.
From the beginning of the Bible, we see God’s blueprint for sex: marriage between one man and one woman.
What is Marriage?
Marriage is a public, legal, lifelong, commitment we make to the other person.
This is the best place for sexual intimacy. The world says: marriage kills love and intimacy. The Bible says: marriage promotes love and intimacy.
If you simply live together or cohabitate, there is no promise or security. It’s as if you are living in a constant audition. Very often, once you’re living together, there’s extra pressure to get married – even if you know you shouldn’t get married. Sex before marriage adds complications and unnecessary pressure.
Social studies
A 2002 study on the attitude of young men toward marriage is very eye opening. Included in the top ten reasons why men won’t commit to marriage are: “they can get sex without marriage,” “they fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromises,” and “they want to enjoy single life as long as they can.” It seems that non-marital sexual activity fosters immaturity. (The National Marriage Project)
Current sociological research also overwhelmingly demonstrates that “Cohabitation and premarital sex is considered to be one of the most robust predictors of marital dissolution.” (Journal of Marriage and Family)
In another study, couples who were “sexually inexperienced” prior to marriage and have only had sex with their spouse were the most likely to report a “very satisfied” level of overall marital satisfaction. (The Myth of Sexual Experience: The Wheatley Institute)
Of course, there are always exceptions, but sociological studies show the truth of God’s blueprint.
The bottom line? Sex outside of marriage causes emotional harm, and harms the marriage and the family.
3. Our world distorts and devalues sex
On Christmas Day2024, in South Africa, 1360 babies were born. 90 of those babies were born to young, teen moms. Sex in our country and our world is often distorted, devalued, degraded, and cheapened.
Sex is like electricity. Used properly, its very good. But used improperly, it can be very dangerous and cause much harm.
Often in our world there is no connection between sex and marriage. Sex is one thing and marriage another. But without marriage, sex is generally self-centered and for one’s own pleasure.
Living in a world that distorts and devalues sex is not new.
In Genesis 3, the third chapter of the Bible, human beings rebelled against God and the entire world and everything in it has been distorted ever since.
This was the world in which the letter of 1 Corinthians was written to. Like most big cities, Corinth was a sexually immoral city. It abounded with mistresses, prostitutes and adulterers. It was not uncommon for a man to be married to his wife, have a mistress and visit prostitutes.
Today, its often not much different: sex before marriage is the norm and sex outside marriage is commonplace.
In January 2024, TIME magazine ran an article: “Why I love my open marriage“, arguing that its good to have sexual partners outside your marriage.
Sex with a person of the same gender as you, is also considered a viable, healthy and loving alternative.
Into Corinth the gospel came and many people were saved and changed. However, these new Christians were unsure of how their new faith should impact their sexuality.
The Corinthian church had previously written to the Apostle Paul and asked: seeing that there is so much sexual abuse, misunderstanding and confusion, is it perhaps better that Christians don’t have sex at all?
Now, there were two wrong influences in the Corinthian church:
(a) The ascetic influence – Super Spiritual Christians
These Christians viewed just about everything as sinful. They said that the more you deny yourself pleasure and comfort, the more spiritual you must be.
Following this worldview, some monks in the Middle Ages lived in deserts on poles to make life especially uncomfortable!
This group said that all sex must be sinful, even within marriage. It was their view that 1 Corinthians 7:1 quotes.
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”
(1 Corinthians 7:1)
However, there was another influence:
(b) The gnostic influence – worldly Christians
They said that what’s important is that you’re spiritually right with God, and what you do with your body doesn’t matter. Sex is just another bodily function like eating and drinking: it’s no big deal.
“If I’m hungry, I eat. If I need to go to toilet, I go to the toilet. If I feel like sex, I have sex – with whoever.” cf. 1 Corinthians 6:12-13
They were claiming to the Christians, but behaving like the rest of the world!
In the process, both these two groups devalued and distorted God’s good gift.
How did the Apostle respond?
But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
(1 Corinthians 7:2)
Sexual immorality is sex outside God’s blueprint i.e. marriage.
The Apostle wrote, “Sex is not bad. Sex is God’s good gift. To avoid unnecessary sexual temptation husbands and wives should have keep on having regular sexual union.”
To the super-spiritual: sex is not sin.
To the worldly Christian: sex must take place in the right place – between husband and wife.
God is not anti-sex; he is pro-sex; but sex in marriage.
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
(1 Corinthians 7:3-4)
Sex in marriage should be other-person centred. It’s not about what I get, but what I give. The world says that it’s my sexual satisfaction that counts, the Bible says that it’s my spouse’s satisfaction that matters. This calls for mutual understanding, respect, and ongoing communication.
Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
(1 Corinthians 7:5)
The Bible says that something is unspiritual. Its unspiritual for a married couple to deprive each other sexually. Indeed, depriving each other can lead to unnecessary sexual temptation.
If you want to be really spiritual: schedule regular sexual union with your spouse!
Of course, sex is not the main thing in marriage, but it matters. Sex is the super glue that helps keeps two people attached. That’s why sex before or outside marriage causes so much hurt, pain and complications, because we’re super-gluing ourselves to others without the commitment and guarantee. After a while, the improperly-used superglue becomes hard and stops sticking.
The irony is that many singles look to sex for intimacy and love, but without the commitment of marriage, it simply cannot deliver1.
To the unmarried, the Apostle writes:
But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
(1 Corinthians 7:9)
Interestingly, the original manuscript does not have the words “with passion”. A better way to translate the verse is: “But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with shame.”
The Apostle Paul is not offering marriage as the remedy for sexual temptation. The remedy for temptation is always self-control.
That means, start exercising self-control when you’re single because if you can’t exercise self-control when you’re single, you won’t be able to do it when you’re married.
Plenty guys who struggle with pornography think that when they get married the magic, fairy godmother of sexual purity will sprinkle magic sexual-purity-dust on their heads and they will no longer battle with pornography.
But it doesn’t work like that.
The solution to temptation is self-control; not marriage.
In v9, Paul has in mind couples, not struggling with temptation, but who have failed to exercise self-control. They are being sexually intimate as unmarried people and are burning with shame.
Paul says, “Get married, honour God, do what’s right and don’t burn with shame!”
The time for marrying is when sex becomes an issue, but before it becomes a problem.
If you’re not ready for marriage to one another, you’re certainly not ready for sex with one another.
God’s blueprint is for sexual intimacy in marriage.
Our world says: try before you buy and check if you’re sexually compatible. God says: if you’re male and she’s female, you are sexually compatible. That’s the blueprint.
4. God’s blueprint works best
Many people today want God’s blessing, but without following his blueprint.
God’s laws and guidelines aren’t arbitrary, old-fashioned or oppressive. God knows what works best for human flourishing.
I’ll end with three biblical truths.
– We are all sexual sinners
– There are consequences for sexual sin
Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
(1 Corinthians 6:9-10)
– Anyone can be forgiven by Jesus
And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
(1 Corinthians 6:11)
There is nothing you and I have done that cannot be forgiven. God can and does make a better way forward.
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- Tragically, marriage in our distorted world is many times not the place of love and intimacy, but violence and abuse.